Parent Social Media Guide for Students Over 13

On this page...

Family members are the best people to act as positive role models. This Parent and Family Guide was created to help you guide your children in using social media responsibly and effectively. Navigating social media is a new frontier for many families. Parents and guardians play a crucial role in helping children use these platforms safely and responsibly, whether they are logging on to learn, connecting with friends, or just having fun.

This guide is here to support you. In partnership with Common Sense Media , and with valuable input from our teachers, librarians, and students, we have developed practical social media guidelines to help your child thrive online.

Please note: While these guidelines are designed for all students, most social media platforms require users to be at least 13 years old. Children should only use social media with your explicit permission. Furthermore, the decision to allow children to use social media is an important one. Not all platforms are created equally, and ages recommended by the social media platform are not automatic permissions to use. Have a conversation with your child(ren) to discuss the values you want to uphold and how social media can be used responsibly. As parents and guardians, you get to decide if, when, and how your child(ren) will use social media. Be sure to explore the social media platform's Parent Resources, Family Center, or Family Hub for information on account settings, safety tools, and family supervision options

These guidelines focus on four areas: digital image, responsible posting, thinking about your actions online, and cyberbullying.

Create Your Digital Image

To control their own online images, young people must think about how they want the world to identify them. This includes matching their personal ideals with their online images, being mindful of their own words, and knowing that families can be helpful partners. The following activities help you work with your child to create a responsible and positive digital footprint.

Family Activities

Throughout this guide we will share activities followed by information sharing why such activities are helpful.

Headline Exercise

Show your child headlines featured in a magazine, newspaper or online site and talk with them about how the headlines might make you see a person in a good or bad way. Talk about what the headlines of friends and family members might be if they were in a magazine or newspaper and whether they would be good or bad.

Next, have your child pretend they are the subject of a newspaper article and write what would they want the headline of the article to be. Review the types of photos and posts your child has in their online profiles and postings. Do they match the headline they would like to see? If not, how might future posts address that?

You can also watch the "One Sentence Project" video to hear how other students have answered this question.

Review the types of photos and posts you and your child have in your current online spaces. Do they match the headline you’d both like to see? If not, how might future posts address that?

Why it Helps
  • It gets the child thinking about how they see themselves. It also helps them see how their digital image affects how people see them.
  • Helps the child see how their online posts can be controlled to stay positive.

Self-Googling

Google yourself, your child, and other friends and family. What are the results? Are you surprised by any posts? Does someone else come up? What can people do to separate their names online (for example, use a middle name)? Click on an image or website you are not sure of to find out the original source. Did a friend or family member post something without you knowing about it?

Note: Do this activity on your own before doing it with your child. This way you will be better prepared to talk about what you find.

Why it Helps
  • It starts a conversation about photo and media consent
  • It lets your child know that they always must be aware of their digital image

Imagining Your Audience

Remind your child that many people are possible audience members for their digital image. What would they want a teacher to see? How about a school they hope to attend? An employer? A future partner? Talk about what they can do to make sure they are sharing what will help develop the desired reputation.

Why it Helps

Gets the child thinking about how to take ownership of their digital image.

Review your Own Profile

Taking control of a digital footprint is an ongoing process. A great first step is auditing existing profiles to ensure they accurately reflect who you and your child are today. Here are a few ways to guide this process:

  • Analyze and curate: Start by looking at the public profiles of friends or family together. Discuss what you both like and dislike about how they present themselves, and ask your child if there is anything those individuals might want to delete or untag to improve their image.
  • Apply the lesson: If your child has their own social media, encourage them to review their accounts and delete or untag posts that no longer reflect their best self. If they don’t have—or don't want—an account, use your previous discussion to talk about what a positive digital footprint looks like in general.
  • Plan ahead: For children who aren't online yet but might be interested in the future, talk about which platforms they might want to join and why.
  • Build a professional presence: For students 16 and older, creating a profile on a platform like LinkedIn can be a fantastic way to jumpstart their college and career readiness.
Why it Helps

It provides an opportunity for family members to work together to control their digital images.

Find Out More

Know the Age Rules

Most major social media and messaging platforms (Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Discord, WhatsApp) require users to be 13 or older — a federal law (COPPA) prevents these companies from collecting data on children under 13. If your child is under 13, accounts on these platforms are not permitted by the platforms themselves.

Post Responsibly

You play a key role in ensuring your child is posting responsibly. The NYC Public Schools (NYCPS) Internet Acceptable Use and Safety Policy makes clear that parents and caregivers play a central role in teaching children about online safety and family values. This is your responsibility even when your child is doing homework or any school assignment.

You can help your child post in ways that best show the values of your family:

Family Activity

Select Privacy Settings Together

If you allow your child to sign up for any social platform, read the privacy settings and rules together. Talk about ways to protect your child’s privacy such as not giving out their address and birthday.

Why it Helps

It helps your child learn about the importance of privacy.

Set Up an Account Together

Once your child reaches or exceeds the platform-required minimum age (13 for most major social media services under federal law), if you and your child want them to set up social media accounts, you should do so together. Determine what is appropriate for the profile and review the privacy settings. Make sure your child is only having online friendships and conversations with people you approve of. Discuss who is appropriate to accept as an online connection which might includes family and classmates.

Why it Helps

This will enable you to guide and support your child if you both agree that they should try setting up an account and selecting appropriate privacy settings. It will show your child that you have a real interest in their success and safety online.

Smart Search Strategies

Pay attention to where your child goes online. You may want to think about using parental controls. Talk with your child about sites or searches that you believe are unsafe or risky. Also, speak to your child about what they should do if they find a bad site.

Find Out More
Why it Helps

It allows you as a parent to control the info your child is able to see online.

Current Events

Most of us know someone who has been in the public spotlight if only for a short time. Maybe you know someone who was captured in “ Humans of New York .” Perhaps your friend was watching a parade and was interviewed. These stories provide a chance to talk about how to handle the situation and post responsibly online. See what happens in social media when those you know are part of a story. Remember, don’t just talk about what not to do. It is also important to look at examples of people using social media in a positive way.

Why it Helps

Keeps the conversation current and real. It provides a quick answer to the question, “Why do we need to know this?”

Find Out More

Consider the Consequences

It’s important for students to think through the effects of their online behavior. They also must be careful about both the websites they visit and who they are talking with online. Students don’t always realize that what they do outside of school can have effects at school. This is especially true online.

Family Activity

Don’t Post Private Personal Information

Explain to your child why it’s unsafe to post your address, birth date, or other personal information and what identity theft means. Use real examples if you can find them.

Why it Helps

It creates clear ground rules and stresses the importance of holding back information.

Keep Information Private

Talk to your child about not sharing passwords with friends and make sure you both know how to stop computers you share with others from automatically saving passwords. (For example, always log off when you have finished using a site – don’t just close the browser.) Let your child know that we can each be held responsible for another person’s actions when that person uses our online accounts to post info or buy something.

Why it Helps

It opens the conversation about how important it is to protect oneself, in both the physical and digital worlds.

Talk About Sextortion—Even If It Feels Awkward

Sextortion is now one of the FBI’s top concerns for teens. In a sextortion scheme, someone pressures a teen into sending a nude image. The person then threatens to share the image unless the teen pays money or sends more images. Boys are targeted at especially high rates. The most important thing for your teen to hear before this happens is this: “If this happens to you, you will not be in trouble. You can come to me, or to another trusted adult. We will get help together.” Scammers use a teen’s shame and panic to control them. A teen who knows they have a safe adult to call is much less likely to give in or to hurt themselves. If something has already happened, support is available. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children operates a free service called Take It Down (TakeItDown.NCMEC.org). It helps remove explicit images of minors from major platforms. You can also report to the FBI tip line at tips.fbi.gov.

Parental Notification

If schools are engaging in any activities that appear on social media, they should notify parents each year. If your child is engaging in such activities, talk about the school’s use of social media with your child the same way you would talk about other schoolwork.

Why it Helps

Keeps you aware of what’s happening in your child’s school, so you can take action to help guide their social media use.

Be Aware of Your Child’s Behavior Online

You may want to “friend” or “follow” your child. Some families keep a copy of their child’s online usernames and passwords; others have a place where all family passwords are kept in case of emergency. Set rules for what behavior is allowed online for your family and talk about the Student Social Media Guidelines at home. Built-in tools like Apple Screen Time and Google Family Link, plus paid services such as Bark, can help you set time limits and content filters. For teens, ongoing conversation is important and may be more effective than monitoring.

Why it Helps

It helps you stay aware of what is taking place online. It also helps children know their parents are there to help them in safe and responsible use of social media.

Find Out More

Take Threats of Cyberbullying Seriously

Cyberbullying is the use of electronic technologies to hurt or harass others. Examples include creating or forwarding mean or hurtful text messages or emails, posts that are not true and create rumors, and embarrassing photos. Some signs of cyberbullying (both being bullied, and bullying) are: removing themselves from daily activities, getting upset when online or texting, quickly closing out of sites when an adult walks by, or avoiding questions about what they are doing on the device. The guidelines give students ideas about what to do when someone they know is being targeted, or if they are being targeted themselves. They also provide info on who you can contact for support.

Family Activity

Discuss Cyberbullying

Review the social media guidelines with your child and talk about what cyberbullying means. Talk about examples and why this behavior could hurt someone’s feelings or make someone upset.

Why it Helps

Helps your child understand what cyberbullying is and how it can be harmful.

Know Your Child’s Friends at School

Learn the names of your child’s friends and what kinds of activities they do together. If you suspect your child is cyberbullying others or is being targeted, you speak to your school’s Respect for All liaison, school administrator or another member of the school staff whom you trust.

To report cyberbullying at your child's school please email: respectforall@schools.nyc.gov

Why it Helps

It helps families learn which personalities and situations that may become problems.

Stay Aware of Behavior at Home

Pay attention if your child’s behavior suddenly changes. Some signs of cyberbullying (both being bullied, as well as bullying) are: withdrawal from daily activities, getting upset when online or texting, quickly closing out of applications when an adult walks by, or avoiding discussions about what they are doing online.

Why it Helps

It helps family members spot cyberbullying and help before it escalates.

Know What to Do If Your Child Is the Bully

If you suspect your child is bullying someone, it’s important to know about the situation. Try to find out the reasons and come up with a plan to deal with and correct the behavior with your child. Your child’s school Respect for All liaison or guidance counselor can help you with this.

Why it Helps

Families don’t need to go through these situations alone. NYC Public Schools has counselors, social workers, school librarians, and Respect for All Liaisons in every school who can support you and your child.

Start the Dialogue

Family media agreements will help you talk about how to be safe online. You can find forms for these agreements on Commonsense Media .

Why it Helps

By setting clear rules and creating guidelines, you make future conversations on the subject much easier.

Encourage Your Child to Speak Up

When your child sees that someone they know is not being treated right, encourage them to support the person being targeted. They should immediately report the incident to their Respect for All Liaison or any trusted adult at the schools. Your child can also support the student by privately telling that person they are sorry for what they are going through. Try to find real examples from your own life or in the media, and discuss with your child the different ways they might respond.

DO NOT encourage your child to approach the aggressor in any situation. This can lead to unwanted harm/trauma and escalate the situation.

Why it Helps

It shows that there are other ways to fix a problem other than bullying.

Standing up against mistreatment can give your child a sense of pride and stronger consideration for those around them.

Watch for Signs of Social Media Distress

Research links heavy social media use to higher rates of anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and negative body image in teens. The risk is especially high on image-focused platforms with algorithm-driven feeds, and it is especially high for teen girls. Watch for changes in your teen’s sleep, appetite, or mood after device use. Watch for withdrawal from in-person friendships, or any talk of self-harm. If you are concerned, your child’s school counselor or pediatrician are good first contacts. In a crisis, call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) at any time. NYC also offers free, private mental health support for teens through NYC Teenspace (teenspace.nyc). It is available to any NYC resident ages 13 to 17.

Point Out Positive Contributions from Other Young People

Encourage your child to stay positive online. Point out examples of others who participate this way. Talk with your child about the different ways they can help keep things positive.

Why it Helps

Helps you show your child how social media can be used positively.

Role Play Being an Upstander

When your child sees that someone they know is not being treated with respect, encourage them to support the victim. They can do that by privately telling the person being targeted that they are sorry for what they are going through or by speaking up publicly. Try to find real examples of this from your life or in the media. Talk with your child about the different ways they might respond. Next, do a role play to act out how this might work.

Why it Helps
  • It shows that there are other ways to fix a problem other than bullying.
  • Standing up against abuse can give your child a good feeling about themselves and consideration for those around them.
Find Out More